I met myself again this past week. Fear mixed with habit and fostered some desperation and frantic action. As is usually the case when I begin reacting to my inner clamoring for structure and security (and control) I found myself driving. Somehow getting in my car (combined with surfing the internet) is an action I slip into when I just need to sort out “what’s next”. I suppose I got a little dose of “going with the flow” – and then “Yes, that was lovely, now let’s get on with figuring out the next stage of my life.” So last Sunday, with my mother coming along for the ride (how sweet she is to humor me!) I made my way from Peterborough, ON through Montreal, QC down through New Hampshire and hotel’ed in Portsmouth. I had appointments over the next 2 days to view apartments and sublets from Portland, ME to Orleans, MA. 
In my own defense, living out of a Volkswagen Jetta does get a little old after a while. Plus, I can drive 1000 miles in a day without breaking a sweat – perhaps long-haul truck driver was dismissed too quickly as a viable career. Two days in the car yielded some incredible scenery, a near miss with a Land Cruiser in NH (foreign and confusing traffic patterns to blame), fascinating conversation with a Tennessean who told tales of close encounters with a momma elk in Jasper, Alberta, plenty of philosophizing through windshield time with my mother, bad coffee, a bag of cherries, excellent family in Portland on their way to Rome for the year, a 1689 fisherman cottage in Ogunquit (I could not rent in a town whose name I mispronounced consistently), construction, construction, and roadwork. When all was said and done, on my way to the eastern tip of Cape Cod, I lost it in traffic, pulled off at the nearest exit and rented a cheap hotel room for the night.
There, in Dennisport, MA I found my proverbial Jesus. She came to me as
the Atlantic Ocean and she received me, my demons, my bad habits, with non-judgment. My desperation to find myself and all the self-condemnation that follows on the heels of my quirky habits dissolved into the sea meeting with the sky and rolling up on the beach. Mom and I swam in the warm waters admiring the buoyancy of this salty liquid and then dried in the sun as it set to the west. As the moment completed itself I was left with no angst and the self-recriminating voice inside me was quiet; the beast asleep once more. I chose not to rent any of the viewed sublets and made my way back to Peterborough.
In my own defense, living out of a Volkswagen Jetta does get a little old after a while. Plus, I can drive 1000 miles in a day without breaking a sweat – perhaps long-haul truck driver was dismissed too quickly as a viable career. Two days in the car yielded some incredible scenery, a near miss with a Land Cruiser in NH (foreign and confusing traffic patterns to blame), fascinating conversation with a Tennessean who told tales of close encounters with a momma elk in Jasper, Alberta, plenty of philosophizing through windshield time with my mother, bad coffee, a bag of cherries, excellent family in Portland on their way to Rome for the year, a 1689 fisherman cottage in Ogunquit (I could not rent in a town whose name I mispronounced consistently), construction, construction, and roadwork. When all was said and done, on my way to the eastern tip of Cape Cod, I lost it in traffic, pulled off at the nearest exit and rented a cheap hotel room for the night.
There, in Dennisport, MA I found my proverbial Jesus. She came to me as
the Atlantic Ocean and she received me, my demons, my bad habits, with non-judgment. My desperation to find myself and all the self-condemnation that follows on the heels of my quirky habits dissolved into the sea meeting with the sky and rolling up on the beach. Mom and I swam in the warm waters admiring the buoyancy of this salty liquid and then dried in the sun as it set to the west. As the moment completed itself I was left with no angst and the self-recriminating voice inside me was quiet; the beast asleep once more. I chose not to rent any of the viewed sublets and made my way back to Peterborough.
We were wondering where you two gypsies had headed off to! Loving your blog. Call if and when you are back in our area. We have great, cheap beds!
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