Meanwhile... back in Colorado

Life is good in Colorado. I could do without my allergies (ticklish and scratchy throat, congestion, sneezing, drippy nose, itchy eyes). Once again, Benadryl, Claritin, and I have become close. I love seeing the dogs and being able to connect with friends in this part of the country. I have spent much of this week working as a therapist and I enjoy my work, stepping back into a comfortable groove and being available to others as both an active and a listening presence.

I’m realizing that there is a gravitational pull towards being the ‘Martha’ with whom I am familiar as I return to a recognizable geography. Conversely, being in New England and Ontario gave me more space to lighten my sense of self. At the same time, ‘the Martha I know’ has relinquished her/my home, security, sense of future, and marriage. These constructs once formed the foundation of my sense of self and place in the world. Without them, I feel at times free and liberated and at other times scared and overwhelmed. Loosening my sense of self I allow the intelligence of Life to step in or, perhaps it’s more that I let go of my illusion that it’s me who figures out the map of my world.

I have enjoyed watching and being a part of the making of German reality TV more this year. Last year I was attached to the process and protective of whether or not things were done to my liking and approval. Bottom line: the production team is good; good souls trying to do good work. For those in the dark, Monarch is moving through its 2nd season as the hosting agency for a group of ‘troubled’ adolescents from Germany who will spend two months living in the wilds of the American West as a therapeutic intervention. Tresor is the German company who is producing this documentary/reality show and they are contracted to RTL for this 4th season. It’s wacky doing Gestalt therapy without much access to language while cameras and sound people circle and look for ways to build the story for an audience (early Spring 2010) who will get sucked into the stories. Life is wacky.

Getting sucked into a story can be dangersous and slippery, albeit it distracting and entertaining. Indeed, sometimes I think it's better to limit this seduction of storyline to TV and movies and be mindful that the more plot I endeavour towards in my life the less life I feel running through my body.