"Reality is merely an illusion...

...albeit a very persistent one." This is a quote from one of the finest 'minds' of our modern era. Albert Einstein knew there was more to life than even his brain could encompass and explain. I have been revisiting some of the experience of a blog I wrote a while back, the one about swimming out to the sea, responding to the call of Sirens. This was not a nihilistic compulsion. Quite the opposite, I believe it was a call to leave behind all that I believe to be true and enter more courageously into the Mystery.

I have taken up reading an author who has inspired me further along this path. John O'Donohue (philosopher, poet, scholar, lyricist) is guiding me as I explore this idea of SOUL; what is a soul? does it exist? for what purpose? Perhaps part of my journey that began in September (if one can indeed mark the beginning of a change) was for me about becoming more intimate with my soul. In Anam Cara, O'Donohue writes:

"Trusting the more prenumbral dimension (soul) brings us to new places in the human adventure. But we have to let go in order to be, we have to stop forcing ourselves, or we will never enter our own belonging...One of the things that is absolutely essential is silence, the other is solitude." (p.98)

I don't believe that one can think their way to an understanding of their soul. I can make lists, analyze situations, choices, circumstances, and history and nothing brings the Mystery to light. Indeed, I have begun to appreciate more and more how light and dark play in this world of discovery and secrets; how valuable the secrets are to maintaining aliveness in the present. I shiver a bit as I think about my past work as a therapist and how I was hungry and driven to throw on all the lights in order to help someone understand their life circumstances. The garden has taught me a great deal about ripening and how there is a time, an intelligence, and a grace to unfolding.

On a more concrete level, I am including some photos taken last weekend, hiking with my friend, Becky, and her 2 dogs in the White Mountains. My skill and technology cannot do justice to the feeling of walking through the woods and coming out on a rock outcropping and watching as the sun sets behind the mountains to the west.

I am still very much enjoying sleeping in my tent (granted the weather has been very kind). On Thursday this week I will fly, once again, for a week-long visit to Colorado - hoping to do some work as a therapist and also reconnect with my friends and community there. I am aware that my life has gone from 4 phones and constant internet access (30-50 emails + 10-20 phone calls daily) to 2 hours a day of sitting, 6 hours of gardening, and dishes. I don't want to lose the solitude and stillness I have cultivated in my life. I do wish to invite back working with people; I want to see how I can incorporate some of my learnings into the privilege of sitting with people as they awaken and ripen.